you can never truly retrace footprints in the sand

is creative identity theft a thing & has anyone else experienced it?

a few days ago, the singer of my favorite band re-posted a video to his stories and used the caption “if ur gonna copy us, do it right baby” and let me tell you, that struck a nerve. not that i felt he was talking about me but just sort of perfectly articulates this gut feeling i’ve been having when it comes to creative lately. now before you read on or miss-understand me from the beginning, i want to make it perfectly clear, i do not claim to own anything or feel like the way in which i do anything, i should be the only one allowed to do so. in fact, i’m a very firm believer in not gate keeping. if you ask me a question, i’ll answer it. (see below) - however, for those who i think this piece will resonate with, its more so when someone you help, turns around and duplicates your entire style, effort or worse, presents it as their own idea or thought process or style.

i remember after sending that message, the person i sent it to started using it, which i was happy to see. what followed was weird and i thought it was just me. they began posting about using vsco and sharing with friends of theirs that they should use vsco and i’ll never forget hearing them say out loud to someone i introduced them to, “you gotta use vsco for mobile shots!” - like, yes of course you do but damn dude, i’m right in front of you.. i guess i just don’t see them harm in saying “carl recently introduced me to…” etc etc.. as time went on, this person continued to basically turn in to me. of which i even felt inclined to call him out on.

from the shoes he wore (salomon xt-6’s btw), to the literal hand soap he would post about to posting a photo about riding his bike and saying something to the effect of “riding your bike in the middle of the road is the best feeling, prove me wrong” - i look back now on that interaction of calling attention to him using “prove me wrong” and i can feel my frustration and passive aggressiveness in that “lol” at the end. what they fail to understand at that time or maybe they knew it and didn’t care but instagram is such a place that when you repeat a theme over and over again, there will be a point where it begins to be what people think of you and relate that to you. now of course, i did not invent the saying “prove me wrong” but in this case, they knew what they were doing by using a portion of my books title, of which i had published just a couple months prior.

to this person it was “just instagram” but to me it felt invasive. the spark to that title came from a photo a photo i took on december 29th, 2019 in paris. then almost two years later in october of 2021 on my very next trip back to paris since taking that photo, the idea for the coffee table book came to be… i had started writing the novel to the mood board under a different name and in the story, the phrase “i love you, prove me wrong” came to mind. for months i held on to that title, close to chest. then six months later, i went back to paris in april of 2022 to begin working on the project. i spent that entire summer working on it, pouring basically every dollar i could in to it. for me it was not just a saying, it was something i agonized over. spent every waking minute thinking about. i cared so much about this thing it kept me up at night. i remember taking a photo to announce the book publicly for the first time and even in that moment i could feel how nervous i was. fast forward to release, it felt like i finally had “my thing” - this was the project that would be associated with me. then.. he just stole it? again, i know i did not invent the phrase but just bare with me.. we were close. he knew how much time i spent on it.. i always think about that journalist who was working on that case about trump jr and before he could release the article of all his journalism they just tweeted it out..

to spend literally years working on something, losing sleep over it, pouring your actual heart and soul in to a project.. then to see it just become some “rebellion” as they said.. or a part of their personal brand was gut wrenching. after some point with this person i had to just protect my space not only stylistically but emotionally. i hated that this person made me feel this way. to this day i still hear from people about seeing them do the things i do but as one person said “he does what you do but in a sort of bootleg way” i made the decision to just block them. fast forward a couple months i get coffee with a friend in NYC that i hadn’t seen in months and the very first thing they say to me is “can i just ask.. are you not bothered by (name) basically making your identity their entire personality?” and i couldn’t help but laugh but i also felt so vindicated in my feelings and my thoughts. i felt so dumb thinking i was making it all up in my head. “even when it comes to writing things and then signing his name? like dude, you stole that from carl.” in that moment i felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. this weird, in reality very embarrassing feeling of being bothered by seeing this person use me as their own personality and winning over people in the process. it’s like there’s now this whole collective of person who thinks this person is someone but in reality he’s just me. (but the bootleg version). i knew it was a lost case when i even started to see other people’s identity or things/style show up in their visuals. like, at that point when you realize its not just you they’re stealing from its all over. wether it be taking quotes from other women, tiktok video style.. the list of offenses is truly endless.

i remember asking a friend about a photo that someone took and got published… “I saw (so & so) got their photo published but i thought it was yours when i first saw it.” - to which they replied “yeah, they asked me what time of day i shot that photo.” It was a photo where the shadows were the big selling point. It turns out, this person with mixed intentions asked this person about their process, went and duplicated the photo and worked to get it published. and in that same token, was now “known” for a visually identity in their work that wasn’t their own.

Before writing this piece i put the word out if anyone had ever felt like they’d been on the end of creative identity theft.. one person shared a post of theirs where they showed the video they produced in a gallery and even shared the version the other company replicated. that was incredibly brave of them and it hurt me just observing. i could only imagine how they felt after seeing it.

i feel like we’ve all seen the stories of the larger brand stealing the independent artists design, or more so the repeat offenders at urban outfitters. just google “urban outfitters stealing designs” and read the endless list of examples. why is that people feel so inclined or even capable of doing this? do they not feel ashamed of themselves?

what is the harm in acknowledging what inspires them? i remember having coffee with a friend who wasn’t a running photographer but had photographed one running event and during which took a photo that completely changed the way i saw running. the beauty was this person was just taking photos the way they saw the world. over coffee i told him “you made me a better running photographer.” he needed to know. i needed him to know. not because of ego but because i needed him to know that his hard work and an impact on me and would continue to do so. again.. where is the harm in acknowledging impact?

i feel like i’m not the only one but there’s this theme in photography or creative fields at large where someone will publish something or make something and someone asks “what film did you use?” “what paint brush do you use?” or my favorite “how did you take this?” - you can get all the gear, know all the answers to settings, tools, what have you… but none of that will get you to where i or they are. because you’re not creating from the same place. you’re not connected to the subject like they are. a photo of mine with the sun hitting from a certain direction over the water may to you just be “a photo with the sun hitting from a certain direction over the water” but to me its a reflection of the way “blue and yellow” by the used from 2002 still makes me feel. you might see a photo of two people holding each other on the corner with the focus being her hand on his back and see just that but what you don’t feel when duplicating that moment for yourself is how it felt for me as a kid to see my dad get married again after my biological mother left him.. and feeling that women he now loved put her arm me on the alter at their wedding while looking down at me, all of ten years old and say quietly, only loud enough for me to here “i’m always going to be here for you.” to you the person who feels its ok to steal creative or steal inspiration from others, you must know you will never ever get it right because you are not creating from the same heart. you do not have the same pain in your heart, where the best art comes from. to you it just the title of a book, to me it is the belief i can do the thing someone i once cared a lot of about told me “you know nothing about putting a book out.” - to you all your doing is retracing footprints in the sand but you’ll never be truly accurate because the reason that person took that journey before you is one you possibly couldn’t understand.

the idea for this piece was sparked by the message at the top, from someone who i consider to be incredibly creative, stylish and 100% their own person. the message when received i replied with gratitude. even going back a couple weeks later and writing them again saying how much it meant to me. they meant no harm and in fact i was incredibly honored by their sentiment. what it did do though was finalize push me to write this piece.. and to answer their question more publicly, i don’t think i take perfect movement shots. what i think i do though is connect deeply with the story i am trying to tell and the way in which i want that to be presented. at the end of the day for some photographer and maybe art in general is just that. photography and art. but the same people who think that are probably the ones who think pizza is pizza. sure, it might be.. but you just exposed that you’ve never truly tasted good pizza in your life without saying as much. again.. this might all just be in my head and maybe its all too foolish to even acknowledge any of this but what i’ve come to love the most about writing these pieces in recent weeks is hearing from people and they say “ i thought i was the only one who felt that way.” feeling vindicated is therapeutic and sometimes a necessary hurdle for so many in their healing or path to self growth.

i don’t know if this piece will have a single ounce of impact on anyone but for those who read this and deep down know they are guilty of stealing from others, i’d offer you this advice.. how you do anything, is how you do everything… or i guess i should say, how you’ll steal everything.

anyways, have fun and go make some art

me in washington dc on october 20th, 2020 wearing salomon xt-6’s.

notes on the piece: *the photo at the top is a screen shot from instagram. the above writing was not edited by anyone. as always, this page will be a diary of streams of thought. i’m not worried about word count or phrasing. i’m worried about staying honest.

thanks for reading.

carl. x.

ps.. even drake knows.