we’re moving forward, we’re moving on

chicago marathon a year later. what did we become?

its currently 7:59am, im sitting in 35c on an american airlines flight to lax for two days before heading to sf for i think like 14 hours.. then, im gonna fly back to the district, swap out gear, reset for like 17 minutes then head to chicago for four(ish) days.. i’m listening to tampa by lany and drinking a half decent cup of coffee.. we’re still boarding.. i’m writing this in my notes app (hold on, let me screen shot) until we get in the air and i can bring my laptop out.. the reason i bring chicago up is because last night, i was scrolling back at everything i’ve written here, 39 pieces since may of 2023.. and while sometimes i think i’ve been more active than other times, i’m trying to really make it a habit to be really active here.. anyways… in my scrolling last night i realized that its now been basically a year since i was in chicago for the marathon, and first of all, how? second.. i couldn’t help but read that piece back.. which, to be honest is not something i have a habit of.. in fact its a pretty sort of strict policy. “write it, hit publish & keep your eyes front” - i think it was martin sheen, the guy who plays president bartlet in my favorite show of all time, the west wing who said he had never watched a single episode.. and idk why but thats just really helpful advice i think.. but.. on this occasion, we did.. and wow, what a year!

ok wait, hold on.. we’re taking off.. 

alright, sorry about that…

ok, so.. chicago..? after the marathon, i wrote this piece basically about feeling slighted.. i can tell how angry i was upon reflection even when writing that. i know that person got to me.. but by the time i finished, i couldn’t help but think about everything the last year has offered me.. both, in the running space & beyond. there’s simply just no way i could have predicted the year we’d have since publishing that piece 361 days ago.

the phrase, “we’re moving forward, we’re moving on” actually came to mind via my friend hannah, who.. i actually got to photograph during the marathon last year in chicago.. but that’s beside the point..! and it happen to come to me at the beginning of this travel sprint that we’re getting in to, as if we’ve not been in one since like basically mid august.. (we’ll catch up on that in this piece in a moment)  but i think hearing her say that, knowing that other people are going through things that in one way or another, they have to move on from was just helpful to hear. not that id wish anyone to be going through a thing but you know what i mean… comfort in struggle through familiarity in predicaments if you will. in that piece last year i referenced that drake polar opposites track and even listening to it now, he says “i dont get hurt much, but im not invincible..” - and i think the power in that is the understanding that look, we really do all go through things.. wether you’re the biggest artist in the world, a corporate girlie or a photographer.. sometimes i think you sort need those things.. like, ok.. hear me out.. and please people from nebraska, please do not take offense.. i love your state.. shout out omaha, shout out old market… like i said.. lots of love.. ok?

ok, so look at life like a roadtrip.. you’re born then you die.. (ehhh s’sad carl..) and somewhere in the middle, you live.. you experience life.. now.. take what you know, take your understanding of terrain and geography.. would you rather your life have some mountains and hills, maybe some tough overpasses, some harsh weather.. ie.. adversity, hardship.. doubt.. lessons learned.. or…. do you just wanna drive through nebraska forever? you see what i’m saying? “but carl, you shouldnt be ok with drama.” its not drama, learning is not a bad thing, facing doubt can be the reason you quit the road trip.. or you caj stay on it and get through another night and catch the next sunrise… ie; overcoming a rough moment in your life.. i dont know how else to explain this.. basically while yeah, maybe id rather avoid a little drive in the snow at night with shitty windshield wipers and someone on the aux who hasn’t played a good song since we last stopped for gas.. and maybe yeah, a little golden hour drive through corn husker country is “nice” but.. the sun fades and you’re still just gonna go straight? idk gang.. give me some west virginia hills with no cell service aka “internally doubt” - ok, sorry im done with the road trip references.. “jump in and go, and we can drive for years, we can feel alive.” via mae’s “summertime” on destination beautiful

when i think about that moment in chicago for the last time, i find myself thinking about the relief i felt.. finishing the marathon last year.. riding a bike back to my hotel, blasting the new (at the time) lany record when “love at first fight” came on… and in it paul sings… “you never really know someone, ‘til you see the other side of them..” - and i think that weekend in chicago was me seeing another side of me.. that doubt in me made me hit a breakthrough and that weekend is why i think i’m here now.. head of creative for a skin care brand and busier than ever.. and currently in the most insane sprint of my career to date.. it goes as follows..

ok.. for timeline wise, lets put this sprint starting at the beginning of august. literally august 4th, ok? i went to nyc to photograph kate for planet nusa for two days, after that i took a train back to dc then hopped on a flight to austin for 3 days.. i got home and a day later i got to shoot the fall campaign for phillips collection, then a couple days later on the 15th, i went to nyc for a freaks shoot for tennis, to talk about the us open in a round about way..i went back the next day and then a day later co-hosted a run with sweetfeet on the 18th. then on the 20th, i left for france to document a team running tsp france.. that trip lasted until the 26th.. ok, i think thats basically august..

then september came and i went to nyc for like 15 hours to shoot alex for zara again, went back to dc and showed the short film from tsp france for the team.. then a couple days later went back to nyc for the 5th ave mile for con for movember..  then back to dc.. i hopped in a rental two days later and drove to new jersey to photograph a couple surfers.. turned around the next day and went to copenhagen for the half marathon. while i was there i shot the research x dirtybird shakeout as well as a presser for the cph half then shot the half marathon on sunday before leaving copenhagen on monday am. got home on the 16th and turned around and shot a announcement video for fon x tyb with darien and dom.. the pop back home was short lived tho as i had to take off for nyc again wednesday morning to get up to nyc for five days.. kicked the trip off with a shoot with acc at emp for something they are doing… then the next four days was all Freaks x USAL pop-up, stuff! i ended up adding to the mix some time with carlie at the track to photograph her ahead of berlin marathon. and then an awesome shoot with schuyler for freaks spotlight.. i eventually left nyc at 9:45pm sunday night because i had to be be on a flight to nashville first thing the next morning to shoot my friend taylor for an announcement he had to make.. i was in nashville for like 25 hours i think. i flew home on the 24th and got back to dc at 1:09pm then got on a flight to berlin at 9:02pm.. i was in berlin for a week and while i was there worked on some visuals for freaks, two athlete spotlights for magna, shot the berlin marathon and then shot 3 more videos for alex & zara.. i think thats like 11 total? idk.. at this point. basically then left berlin and landed in dc on oct 2nd. on the uber ride home i had to finish a set of images for acc x emp. i uploaded them as soon as i got home on the 2nd at like 10pm.. and that puts us in october, yeah?

so right, this month so far.. got to start with a few days at home then, one of which was the day of the district 19 race in dc, so i got up and went and photographed that for the crew.. then yeah, that brings us to where we started this piece, on october 7th, 35c on the way to LA. its now october 9th and im in 33d flying back to the east coast from SF. while i was in LA i shot an athlete in glendale the moment i landed basically.. then the next day drove to pv cove for a surfer then off to covina to photograph a cyclist for freaks.. then this morning i got on a 6am to SF from LA.. to spend about 5 hours with a scientist to film some stuff for Freaks.. left the venue and went to the airport.. the hope now is i can land in phoenix, make my connecting flight home to dc..  get back to dc in the am on thursday, essentially get home re-pack, centered around chicago needs and then hit the road for the airport again to meet up with Salu for the race weekend in the city. that should basically catch us up..

the reason i mention of all this is (i promise you) not to say “look at all im doing.” no - it’s to give you, maybe that 1 person right now who thinks that where they are is not where they are meant to be or even worse, being thought of as someone who isn’t doing enough or getting the “cool” gigs - that one conversation in chicago sent me in to such a panic of my own life and career and quite literally less than a year later, i am now traveling quite literally more than ever before to document not just running all over the world but surfing, cycling, swimming and more! and in my heart of hearts, i believe that that weekend in chicago helped me get here. wether i like it or not, that phrase lit a fire in me. i think ive said this before but i know people like to say “you shouldn’t let people get to you!” - but let me be clear.. fuck that! let it get to you. let it bother you.. let it push you. let their doubt be your fuel. just however, do not for one second let their doubt in you win… you cannot do that. but letting it fuel you is so different then letting it drive you by anger. anger will not get you anywhere.. you have to process it and re-tool it. turn that chip to your passion, just please.. do not let it force you create from a place of constant anger.. if it does, you’re already behind.

i will wrap this up by saying two things.. and thats one; a call back to what hannah said, “we’re moving forward, we’re moving on.” - at a certain point that chip on my shoulder from a year ago has to be moved off. it need make way for a new driver. this road trip of life will only make its destination if the driver stays fresh.. so as we sit here in the literally back of a plane just hours away from taking off for chicago marathon again, we’re moving forward and moving on from that chip.. and the secondly.. i just wanna point out… that person that said that slick shit about not being in chicago last year for a running brand… its not a big deal and i don’t wanna make a meal of it but.. i didnt see them in france for a running brand for tsp.. come to think of it i didnt see them in copenhagen for a running brand.. so yeah.. wait.. no hold on.. i didn’t see them in berlin either.. weird.. i wonder if they’ll be in chicago… anyways.. like hannah said.. moving forward, moving on.. just wanted to point that… ya know what, nevermind, forget i said anything.. 🫣

anyways, thats all i have to say about that.. see you in chicago friends..

me last year in chicago.

thanks for reading. x.

carl.

ps. i wrote this whole thing in the notes app of my phone while traveling.. i love that app so much. ok, hitting post.